After The Caring Time is Over – Caregiver Recovery
November is National Family Caregiver’s Month
It is a time to reach out to ourselves as caregivers, developing a community of support, care, respite and resources as needed.
As I continue to share my book, On Angels’ Wings, A Journey Through Alzheimer’s with My Mother, in various local venues I find part of its appeal is for those whose loved ones have completed their Alzheimer’s journeys.
Why?
Because the caregiver journey is not over when a loved one has departed life, and my book deals with the grief and loss of Alzheimer’s Disease, drawing those who are still recovering from their own caregiving journeys.
When Our Loved One Dies
The gut response when a loved one’s death from Alzheimer’s finally comes, bringing conclusion to a time of intense suffering, emotional pain and physical drain, is to immerse oneself in final preparations, heave a huge sigh and then try to “put one’s life in order” – in fact, leave the past behind and return to “normal.” Many caregivers of the older generation are children of the depression, whose backgrounds have been to rely solely upon themselves as they grew up and to be the heroes they were in the wars that formed their young adulthood. Many caregivers simply want to leave the whole situation behind as quickly as possible. Others have had no energy beyond that of the immediacy of their caregiving.
And thus, caregivers set out upon the monumental task of mental and emotional recovery unassisted while re-building and restoring the activities of lives that have been very much de-railed and re-directed through the needed roles and responsibilities of caregiving through Alzheimer’s disease.
Recovering from caregiving is not a “natural” process, one that flows smoothly and organically with no assistance or plan. The re-direction of energy toward oneself may be almost impossible for long-term caregivers. Relationships have changed or gone away – both those with others and the very important one with ourselves. Family dynamics may have shifted. Life intentions and goals may no longer be discernable. Jobs have been lost, health coverage and self-care gone. Grief we did not have time for while actively caregiving may be buried deep, immobilizing our ability to move on in any meaningful direction, and there can be an intense feeling of aloneness following the loss of a companion who has been in a constant state of mental deterioration and physical need. Unrecognized depression can occur. There is no winning in Alzheimer’s.
Tools for Caregiver Recovery
Just as you would not let a broken bone mend on its own, broken hearts need help to mend; changed lives may need gentle guidance to help them re-form in new directions. The concept of picking up where one left off is nigh impossible and unrealistic. Caregiving through Alzheimer’s is a life-changing event. While the heart is healing, some help re-entering a life without disease, yet altered by it, may be very much needed.
Hospice providers include recovery programs for caregivers and families, assisting them with grief counseling and returning to a life without caregiving. These are valuable resources for family caregiver recovery!
Some online resources available:
Please see The Family Caregiver Alliance for a very helpful list of symptoms that indicate you are dealing with grief: https://www.caregiver.org/grief-and-loss
Crossroads Hospice has a wonderful article on rebuilding your life after caregiving: https://crhcf.org/Blog/rebuilding-your-life-after-caregiving/
And, as always, your local Alzheimer’s Association can refer you to helpful resources for healing from grief and loss. Visit https://www.alz.org/care/ or call their helpline at 1.800.272.3900.
My message? Just as I advocate for not undertaking the caregiving journey alone, I encourage caregivers to seek support and guidance as they transform their lives back into ones centered around their own needs and personal goals once their loved one’s journey is complete. In a sense, you are now on a journey to re-acquaint with your new changed self. Time, patience, self-compassion and supportive resources will help smooth your path back into the mainstream of living with a purpose and vision for your own life each day.